Facing Real Together by Lindsay Hausch
I heard her cries with my heart, more than my ears, each wail reverberating in my aching chest. I cradled her head and held her rigid body against mine as she yelled, āno, no, no,ā then heaved a shaky breath to release another loud howl. I whispered in her ear āIām here. I love you,ā again and again, as I swayed and tasted the salty tears that ran down her neck.
For five minutes I felt the waves of emotions that coursed through her tired body, confusion, anger, frustration, fear as she succumbed to exhaustion. I absorbed her helpless desperation, but wouldnāt, couldnāt, let myself collapse beneath it. Instead I just held her, rocked her, and continued my chant, āIām here. I love you.ā
There is a sacred space we enter with another person when we can let them feel what they are feeling without avoidance, advice, judgement, or tense discomfort. Simply to tell them, āIām here and I love you.ā
I am not in my daughterās skin, and so I donāt know what it feels like to have steroids coursing through me, creating a surge of unpredictable emotions and moods. This little girl has all these new big feelings without words to even make sense out of them. I want to understand what she feels, I want to tell her how to make it better, or distract her somehow. But in this desperate moment, after a sleepless night, a long morning, and still no nap, I can only be here with her as a witness.
Yes darling, you are miserable. Your body aches, you are tired but your body wonāt behave and sleep as it should. You feel angry and powerless. You want mommy to make it all better, and you are learning, maybe for the first time, that there are some things that mommy canāt fix. But I am here, I am with you in this. I love you.
And in this brave moment between a helpless baby, and her helpless mommy, I begin to learn a lot about how to help someone heal. Because when we are confused, overcome by big emotions we canāt explain, when life hurts and we feel too tired to even make our bed, we donāt need advice; we donāt need platitudes, or our pain to be wiped away like an unsightly smudge of dirt. We need a brave person to stay and hold us through the waves of grief, anger, desperation, and longing, to whisper lovingly, āI am here.ā
Because when life knocks the breath out of us, sometimes the bravest thing to do is to inhale and exhale those first few breaths, to be held by the loving arms of those there to support you, and fearlessly succumb to the illusive sleep that our tired souls need.
Sometimes its another person holding us up. Sometimes its on our knees in the sacred Ā space of solitude. But as we cry out in weakness, āI am tired, I am scared, Lord I am hurting,ā Ā He says āI Am.ā In Him we find a perfect match for our needs and emptiness. So we can cry, and shout, or blink silent tears, and wait for His peace to roll over us like a blanket and His grace to hum like a lullaby, āI Am here. I love you.ā
āStubborn cloud, I watch you rolling past
What would it take for you to cry at last
Donāt be afraid to let your feelings show
If we dry up, then we wonāt growā
Grow by J.J. Heller