This has been an overwhelming, exhausting, frustrating couple of weeks. If it weren’t for many people praying for me, I’m honestly not sure how I would have remained upright.
In all of the chaos of caring for aging parents who live far away, and the emergencies that came along with that in these past few weeks, I can say that God sustained me through it all. He and I had many conversations – sometimes I was begging for His help, sometimes I was confessing my attitude, sometimes I was asking Him for strength and provision and peace. And He met me: Every. Step. Of. The. Way.
“And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19 NLT
“By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence. And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires.” 2 Peter 1:3-4 NLT
When I think about the many ways that God met my needs – His perfect timing over and over again, the way the Holy Spirit would bring to my mind just the perfect verse for the moment… For example, one of those first nights that I learned about my mom’s fall, I woke in the middle of the night with my mind racing (isn’t it always worst at night?). I was near panic, experiencing fear like I’d never had before; I couldn’t think straight, I was unable to focus on God’s character. All those tools of meditation that I talked about last month – not working! And then, this verse cut through the noise in my head and calmed me immediately: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV.
As I reflect on this, I am reminded about how He helped me when I went through 10 years of depression. I admit, I didn’t always feel God’s presence. But looking back, I can see God’s fingerprints all over my experience with my mental health crisis.
Firstly, God provided my caring and loving husband, who accepted that I was going through a tough time, and helped me in so many ways. Sometimes just listening. Sometimes administering my meds. Always there, solid.
Secondly, I had a Christian counselor, who helped me process – week after week – all that I was feeling. He continually pointed me back to Christ, and back to my husband. He listened well, and then would make sense of all that I’d just said, and give it back to me in a way that was organized, instead of the chaotic thoughts that were in my head.
I had a very good friend who listened to me for countless hours. I probably said the same things over and over, but she was patient and she prayed for me and with me. She, too, kept pointing me back to Christ.
I had other friends, too, who reached out to us, with meals and cards and prayers.
My psychiatrist was a Christian, and truly a God-send, as he helped me through very difficult side effects from me taking the wrong medication for 1½ years. He was patient and kind and gentle and encouraging.
Pastor Brad, in his book Fresh Hope para la Salud Mental, talks about having a team, an accountability group, of safe people who can surround you and support you in your mental health journey. I had that, and am confident that they sustained me through my darkest days.
I was willing to take medications, which allowed my mind to stop racing, so that then I could practice taking “captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5b NIV. The effect of the medications was that I was able to change my thinking, with lots of help from my therapist.
As I look back on that long depression journey, I can clearly see times that I let go of God. But He never let go of me! And in my clearer moments of thinking, I knew that. I may not have felt it, but I knew it.
I am so grateful that I had memorized some Scriptures as a child, and the Holy Spirit often assured me by bringing pieces of those passages to mind. I also had a book, called God’s Promises for Every Day, which I used to look at verses that directly applied to what I was feeling (depression, anxiety, loneliness, etc.).
Remember the song from Sunday School, The B-I-B-L-E? “I stand alone on the Word of God…” This is where what I knew about God, not what I felt, came into play. I knew that God is good, that He is in control, that He loves me no matter what I’m going through. I knew He had promised to always be with me, to never leave me nor forsake me, to hear my cries for help. So even though I may not have felt these things, I knew them to be true.
It reminds me of why it’s so important that I read God’s Word daily, so I can plant His Scripture in my head and heart. And the Holy Spirit will then bring those truths to mind as I need them. If it’s hard to read the Bible (for me, the words often swam all over the page, and I couldn’t focus), a book like I mentioned above can be helpful. Snippets of applicable Scripture – I could manage just reading one at a time, and it helped me keep my focus on God.
I also wrote in my journal – a lot! Many of my entries were prayers – for help, for a sense of God’s Presence, for relief from the mental pain. I cried out to God, like David does in the Psalms.
One of God’s names in Scripture is Jehovah Jireh – the Lord will provide. And He does.
I encourage you to call out to Him, tell Him what you’re feeling. Tell Him what you think you need (remember, though, that He knows better than you do!). Ask Him to provide people who can support you in your mental health journey. Consider joining a Fresh Hope Support Group, or seek a short-term relationship with a Hope Coach from Fresh Hope. You do not have to walk this journey alone. God will give you all you need, so that you can walk through with hope.
Peggy has been involved with Fresh Hope as a Group Facilitator for over 6 years and as the Hope Coach Trainer for over 4 years. She can be reached at peggy@freshhope.us.
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