Grieving is part of depression. With depression come loss. Depression may have changed your feelings so that even positive things are seen negatively.
You may not “be yourself”. Your energy levels are lower, you socialize less, you may think less clearly, medicines often have unwanted side effects.
You may feel as though you are not the same person as before depression. These losses are real.
Foggy headed, I remember one incident while severely depressed, I became confused driving familiar roads. It was startling and frightening. Afterwards I grieved over being confused.
I was angry, shocked about this symptom of my depression. Embarrassed I wondered what was happening to me. I wondered if this would be a permanent.
I grieved over “not being me.”
What is the answer to the questions? First, remember there are treatments that can lift the fog of depression. There are many treatments with new ones being pioneered every day. Don’t give in to grief.
Two, this depression will pass.
Three, with the help of your doctors and therapists look at your depression management program and see if changes are needed.
One of the first questions we ask in the middle of these “losses” is: Why? Why me, God?
Is it totally random? Is it because of personal circumstances? Is it the result of dysfunctional cognitive functioning? Is is genetic? Chemical?
We may never know. What I have found helpful is to begin asking, “How” instead of “Why”. Since I am depressed how will I deal with it. If I can’t control having the disease, how can I manage it?
When you are grieving don’t beat yourself up. Grief requires emotional and physical rest. Grief is a process different for everyone. Take care of your physical needs, eat well, exercise and spend time with positive people.
One of the things that helps process grief is to repeat your story. In the repetition the mind and heart process feelings.
Allow yourself to grieve.
With the best of your ability turn to God as your refuge.
Psalm 46:1-2 “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.”