I’ve been asked to write some blogs for Fresh Hope for Mental Health. For anyone who doesn’t know, Fresh Hope for Mental Health offers peer-led support groups for people with a mental health challenge, and for loved ones. The mission of Fresh Hope is that people will learn to live a full and rich faith-filled life in spite of a mental health diagnosis.
I thought I would start by a little introduction. I’ve been attending Fresh Hope meetings probably almost from their beginning, maybe a year or so after they were started. It seems like such a long time ago now. My perspective is from the Loved Ones’ side.
My wife struggles with a mental health challenge. One of our friends, Robin, who started up a local homeless shelter, asked if I was interested in attending a local Christian Mental Health self-help group that was for both the person with the issue and for their families and loved ones. I think she may have asked twice because I don’t think I was very receptive the first time she asked! I probably needed to think about it for a while. I do know that I wasn’t sure if I was ready to open up to a bunch of strangers and tell them the things I was struggling to get through. I discussed it with my wife, but she was not receptive at all. Eventually I decided to go by myself. From my perspective now, years later, I’m very grateful and glad I attended. I’ve learned so much helpful information and it’s even given purpose for the anguish I’ve been through. It feels like my pain has been redeemed.
At my first meeting, I was greeted by a husband /wife team – they were very welcoming leaders. There were a few other people in attendance who wanted to learn something also. The rules of the meeting were read to help create a close group of people and safe place for discussion.
What interested me most – and maybe was the main reason that I came – was the faith aspect of the group. My faith was a big part of how I had made it this far without crumbling. I didn’t want to give that up! I knew my faith in God held a lot of my answers for hope, and I was expecting that this group could help even more. But I thought it would be a problem that my wife would not attend. It turns out, there were things I could do myself where I could help my wife, even if she wasn’t attending the meetings.
I had to commit to relearn how to do some things differently: like when to ask for help, and when to stop pushing her, and how to let go. Some things that I was doing were already helpful, and as I shared with other loved ones, I would get consensus from them that these were good choices. Getting an understanding of how my wife was feeling was another area that was really helpful, especially since we weren’t talking very much. Her depression made it hard for her to share with me – depression can cause a person to shut down and isolate.
I would like to encourage those of you who are family members, friends or relatives of someone who suffers with a mental health issue, you may gain insight and hope by attending a Fresh Hope Support Group. Even if the person who suffers will not come with you, go without them!
For those of you with a disorder who attend, if you have family or friends who are not attending, take a step in faith, and invite them to come too. Give them permission to help you. They will learn how you suffer, and will have the opportunity to be supported themselves, because they suffer too. This can be done on-line or in person if there is a group near you. (Click here to find a Fresh Hope Support Group.)
The more you attend, the more you will learn. With prayer and my persistence in attending, I set an example. I believe this was a way that eventually encouraged my wife to start attending and was an answer to my prayers.
At first her attendance was on and off, but I did not waver in my attendance (except where my job interfered). Now she attends regularly – she even will go online without me when I’m working! My wife saw that I was serious about it, and she has seen a change in me. Though it took some time, my wife continues to improve in her mental health journey, and we talk a lot more now. Fresh Hope for Mental Health is a big part of that success for her, for myself and for us as a couple.
As I learned to share my experiences, I gained friends. Some of the others from Fresh Hope groups are now very close friends because we can share anything each other. I no longer need to feel isolated; I have people to talk to who understand.
And I can choose my own joy in a healthy way; despite the up and down feelings my wife may be experiencing at any given time. This is my hope for you, that you also can find this peace in the storm as well.
Don’t give up on hope!
If you are a loved one, don’t wait: attend a meeting, even if your family member can’t come.
If you are already attending a Fresh Hope Support Group, invite family or friends to come with you!
Share this Post:
