My Story of Anxiety

I first shared about my struggle with anxiety on my blog.

Before I knew it my post had been shared to thousands of people. Not because my words were special or that my story was different. No, my story resonated with all the people suffering in silence thinking, you too?

A friend from Lutheran Hour Ministries reached out to me to see if I would be interested in doing an interview about how my faith has helped me through my struggle.

That meant leaving my two year old, to get on a plane and travel with my five month old.  That meant meeting a roomful of people I didn’t know and sharing with them my most intimate struggles in front of a camera.

I took a deep breath and said yes. Not because I was unafraid, not even because I felt courageous, but because I knew that God went before me, that he was with me, and that if I showed up, He would be there too.

That morning as I was getting ready, I saw a big framed picture of a dandelion in the bathroom hotel. I’ve always said that dandelions were my favorite flower, because of their imperfect beauty. Dandelions break apart to plant new seeds. I pray that God would use my brokenness to plant hope in hurting hearts.

Standing outside the door of the interview room, I opened my devotion and read this verse,

“See, God has come to save me. I will trust in him and not be afraid. The LORD God is my strength and my song; he has given me victory.” Isaiah 12:2

Friends, can we stand in the doorway of uncertainty, feeling afraid and shaking, and still walk through knowing God will meet us there? I hope this video reminds you that you are not in this struggle alone- you have a community- but most of all, that God has come to save you. He came to save you as a helpless infant. He came to save you on a cross. He came out of the grave to save you. God comes to save you in the small moments when you pray, “God help me,” and He is there, so you are never alone.

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Before I was treated for bipolar depression I also developed an anxiety disorder. For example, I found it difficult to eat in public. When we had church functions my stomach would knot up and my hands would shake from apprehension. As a pastor, I was able to walk around doing informal greetings with members. Walking and having short visits allowed me to contain my anxiety. By the time the event was over I hadn’t eaten anything and was exhausted.

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