By Chris Morris
About four years after I graduated from college, I began to feel the familiar tug of depressive episodes once again. It always started the same, with an internal question like this: Just who do you think you are doing all these things? Do you really think you’re qualified to be a husband, father, and church leader? You’re a mess, and you need to stop everything now. Of course, I didn’t even know what stopping everything would mean, but the questions weren’t intended to be taken literally. No, they were intended to instill doubt and uncertainty in me, and they accomplished their goal. You see, I didn’t have enough understanding of how trauma or spiritual warfare work to see that these thoughts weren’t necessarily my own, but that they could be the voices of the enemy or of those who had hurt me in the past. Instead, I just accepted these thoughts as mine and began to feel overwhelmed.
Things came to a head eventually. I don’t remember the specific event, but I finally agreed with my wife. Something had to change. I scheduled an appointment to speak with my pastor. In retrospect, I wish I would have gone somewhere else instead. I am glad I listened to my wife and talked to someone, but my pastor wasn’t equipped to help me in a meaningful way.
I shared with my pastor the struggles that I had with depression. I explained that I largely maintained a false sense of togetherness when running church events, while at home I somewhat regularly blew up at my wife and son or sloughed off into the bedroom to be by myself instead of investing in my family. I shared that I read my Bible and prayed, but it didn’t seem to be doing much. I told him that I had been suicidal before I became a Christian and hadn’t struggled with it since, but I had started to worry it might make another appearance because I started fielding some of those same worthless thought patterns from my suicidal teen days. He listened to me ramble for about ten minutes, and then he spoke five words I will never forget: “Man up and pray more.”
That’s all he said basically, to man up and pray more. He explained that Christian men find themselves at the forefront of the spiritual battlefield because God holds us responsible for ourselves and our families. If anything bad happens to anyone in our family, it’s our fault because God calls us to be the spiritual head of the family. He told me I had failed in my responsibilities at home, and that the devil took advantage of me because of my weakness. If I gave any space to those intrusive thoughts, I sinned and opened the door for the enemy to wreck my family because of my own personal sin. The only answer to this dilemma remained taking up my calling as a biblical man, standing strong in the power that Jesus gives all Christian men, and praying more. He told me that if I just prayed more my depressive thoughts would have no choice but to dissipate because they come from the devil and God is stronger than the devil.
Nothing redeeming took place in the immediate aftermath of this vignette in my life. All my worst fears came to fruition when I talked to my pastor about my mental health struggles, so I learned to keep it all to myself moving forward. Too many churches and church leaders have an oversimplified view of mental health and faith, rather than recognizing the nuanced reality that mature people can be (for example) depressed without their depression calling into question their faith. This theological construct has damaged so many people, and (some) churches are just now starting to come out of this pattern of belief. Too many people have been damaged by well-meaning pastors espousing so-called “biblical counseling” who share similar advice to my previous pastor’s words. These pastors hurt their flock because they don’t understand the full message of the gospel about mental health. Mental health does not equal spiritual maturity, and spiritual maturity does not guarantee mental health.
(This is an excerpt from the new book Resilient and Redeemed: Lessons About Suicidality and Depression from the Psych Ward).
Chris Morris is a certified mental health coach dedicated to promoting understanding of mental health issues within the church. Because of a lifelong struggle with depression and suicidality, Chris became committed to breaking down the stigma surrounding mental health and encouraging others to seek after holistic health.
As a writer and speaker, Chris has shared his personal story and insights with audiences across the country, inspiring many individuals to take control of their own health, break free from poor theological teaching placed upon them, and seek the support they need. He has published several books on mental health, the most recent being Resilient and Redeemed.
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