I was 37 years old when my life, as I knew it, began to fall apart.
It all started with what seemed to be a heart problem. I was rehearsing for a play at church when suddenly my heartbeat became too loud, too fast. A pain in my chest made me think, “I’m having a heart attack.” And then, nothing. The symptoms disappeared.
I decided not to pay attention to it. That was a mistake.
Over the next eight months, I visited eight or nine specialists. MRIs, echocardiograms, EEGs. No one could find anything wrong with me. They sent me home with no answers as my symptoms worsened.What we didn’t know then was that my brain was sick, not my heart.
When Everything Went Dark
Depression came like a thick fog that I couldn’t clear. Just getting up in the morning was like climbing a mountain. I cried from beginning to end at church services. I isolated myself from my brothers and sisters in Christ because how could they understand what I was going through if I didn’t even understand it myself?
And then came the most frightening symptoms: intrusive thoughts about hurting myself. I remember sleeping clinging to my husband Miguel’s arm, terrified of myself. Begging him not to leave me alone.
It was by God’s grace that I didn’t act on those feelings. And it was also by God’s grace that I talked openly with my husband and my parents—they knew how to guide me in the right direction to get help.
The Diagnosis That Changed Everything
It was my father, a true man of God, who guided me to seek out the right professional: a psychiatrist. Despite the stigma, despite our own misguided beliefs that “psychiatrists are for crazy people,” the urgency of the symptoms forced us to act.
The initial diagnosis was clinical depression and panic attacks. The intrusive thoughts disappeared with medication, but something was still missing.
A year later, my husband noticed alarming changes in me: abnormal energy, impulsive decisions, behaviors that did not represent me. The medication had taken me to the opposite pole of depression—mania.
The correct diagnosis finally came: Bipolar Disorder Type 2, with comorbidities of OCD and attention deficit. And something else that no one had identified: early perimenopause that had precipitated and triggered the whole crisis.
My Armchair in the Corner
But here’s what I want you to know: through it all—I NEVER gave up my time with God.
I had my armchair in the corner of my room. And every day, even in the midst of the crisis, I sat there. Some days I just cried. Some days I just sat in silence. Some days I read without feeling anything. But I kept going.
And it was there that God spoke words to me that became anchors:
“I will make your trial your message.”
“You will put a face on bipolar disorder.”
The Answer to My Prayer
I asked the Lord for something specific: “Introduce me to someone with the same diagnosis as me. Preferably a Christian. Preferably a pastor who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.”
A few days later, I found Fresh Hope. Its founder: Pastor Brad Hoefs, a person with bipolar disorder. A Christian. A pastor.
God didn’t keep me waiting.
When I connected with my first group, I saw something that changed everything: people with mental health diagnoses living full and productive lives. One celebrating her engagement. Another pursuing a master’s degree. Another actively serving as a missionary.
My level of hope changed in that instant. It was possible to live well—not in spite of having a diagnosis, but while having one.
Today
Today, more than ten years later, I still have bipolar II disorder. I still take medication every day. I still go to my doctor’s appointments. I still have difficult days.
But the difference is that now I live instead of just surviving.
Now I run Fresh Hope in Spanish, serve thousands of people in more than 35 countries, and my diagnosis became exactly what God promised: my message.
What the enemy planned to destroy me, God has turned around for good.
And what God did for me, He can do for you.OCD
If you are struggling today, I want you to know: You are not alone. Your diagnosis is not your destiny. And God wastes nothing—not even your deepest brokenness.
Your story is not over. Redemption continues.
💙 Samantha Karraa
Mutual Support Specialist | Director of Fresh Hope in Spanish
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