What feelings does that title bring up in you?
Let me tell you, it brings up uncomfortable feelings for me! I like everything under control and I like to control things as much as I possibly can. I don’t wait like to wait until the last minute to do things. I make lists. I plan ahead and I prepare in advance. So waiting patiently is difficult for me. I feel more calm if I know what is expected or what will be happening next.
However, during difficult times whether it’s a time of depression or having to adjust medications and waiting for them to work, I find it extremely challenging to be patient. I feel anxious and sometimes lost when I have no control. Waiting for medication to work can sometimes take a few weeks for it to kick in and when we are having problems with our mental health, we all want to feel better NOW, right?
At one point in my life I was having a rough time with depression. I was trying to work through it by paying attention to my triggers and using all the tools I have to move me through it. It became so bad I had to make an appointment to see my psychiatrist. By this time, I had dealt with it for a few months so I was really in a bad place. My doctor adjusted some of my medications and after two weeks I discovered it was causing some side effects and not working. So then we had to make more adjustments. Overall, it took a lot more time than I “had planned”.
In the in-between time, I was struggling. As you know, when you feel sad, cry a lot, become irritable or angry, it’s not fun and, for me, I want it fixed fast. So what happens to me in these times is I search, think and try to figure out what I can do to make it better. I’m reading articles or books and I’m constantly thinking about what I can change to make me feel better.
I constantly seek to find something I can control. And therein lies the issue, I’m trying to control things and no be patient. While I was seeking things out during this particular time, I found one of my study books containing verses for different areas in your life i.e. anger, forgiveness, sin, abuse, etc. I looked through it and asked God to show me what he wanted me to do. I read for awhile and came across Psalms 37:7 “Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for him to act.” Immediately, the verse stuck out to me. I thought ‘really Lord, you know who you’re talking to, right?’ I sat reading the verse and I began to write it over and over; writing is therapeutic for me. I continued to talk with God and I believe he was telling me to just wait on Him. Strangely enough, it felt like the verse gave me permission; permission to rest and not be in a tizzy trying to make something happen, trying to control things….just wait.
So I did just that. When I came home from work I used that time to read, study, relax, and go to bed early. I didn’t feel like I had to be in control. Instead of searching, I had more time to be with God and let Him take care of things while I was waiting to feel better.
So I would like to encourage you to do a couple of things:
1) Give yourself permission to wait patient for God to act, because He has already given us permission.
2) Monitor your triggers
3) Use the “waiting” moments to take care of yourself and draw closer to God.