The Process Of Surrendering Pain and Embracing Desperation

By Scott Box

I recently came across another Fight Club scene while I was researching a quote for an upcoming writing project— I referenced the 1999 movie Fight Club in a previous post: https://pastorbrad.blog/2024/02/29/crisis-control/ —I decided to watch the movie clip I was researching on YouTube to gain the proper context. 

In this instance the character, Tyler Durden, gives an intentional chemical burn on the unnamed narrator’s hand. It is a raw, intense, and twisted moment between Durden and the narrator. 

In the scene, Durden kisses the top of the narrator’s hand and then pours lye on the moisture, causing a chemical reaction that burns through the skin. While the narrator suffers in pain, Durden holds his hand in place and monologues about suffering and how God hates humans, among other things. The narrator tries one coping strategy after another. Eventually, the bowls and dishes are pushed across the table as the scene reaches the climax, and the narrator instinctively dives for the sink. Durden grips the narrator’s arm even harder. “Listen, you can run water over your hand and make it worse or, look at me. Or you can use vinegar and neutralize the burn.”

“Please let me have it, please!” the narrator moans. 

Durden pulls the narrator’s wrist to emphasize, “First, you have to give up. First, you have to know, not fear, that someday you’re gonna die.”

“You don’t know how this feels!” whimpers the narrator with emptying resolve as Durden releases the narrator’s wrists with one of his own hands. Durden brings his own hand to his face. He turns the back of his hand toward the narrator to reveal a scar of a very similar burn. Confused or in awe, the narrator’s eyes shift from Durden’s scar to his fresh burn and back again. 

After a short breath, Durden makes his final point. \”It\’s only after we\’ve lost everything that we\’re free to do anything.\”

“Okay,” whispers the narrator while the burn continues, but he voluntarily leaves his arm on the table.

Satisfied, Durden stands, pops the top of a vinegar bottle, and pours the salve on the narrator’s wound. 

Yes, it’s a movie, but it represents real life, too. 

Desperation and chronic pain burn like acid on the back of my hand locked in a vice, unable to reach first aid. 

I’m not drawing more profound conclusions from this brutal scene in Fight Club other than to adjust the perspective. Even though Jesus was God, in His humanness, He depended on and trusted in God, His Father, with His pain and suffering to tell a story of glorious heroic disgrace. Jesus modeled a life of desperation for God, His Father, to help Him. It is how he loosened the vice—He surrendered in humility. Jesus’ form of heroic worship did not fight the “burn”; instead, He surrendered His will to His Father’s will. Jesus “gave up” to gain power and control through His death (John 10:17-18, John 11:25-26, John 12:20-26). 

In Jesus’ Kingdom, the actual outcome of Durden’s quote, “It\’s only after we\’ve lost everything that we\’re free to do anything,” is a form of heroism that often looks more like a disgrace—and yes, Durden’s quote does not represent perfect theology—we are not free to do absolutely anything—but that is not my point. My point is about how Jesus faced disgrace to redefine heroism:

“And being found in human form, he humbled himself, becoming obedient to the point of death, yes, the death of the cross.” (Philippians 2:8)

Jesus is our model of healthy desperate dependence on God, the Father, the Great Storyteller. I wonder:

1. What are the experiences in your story that represent the irony of the word combination of “heroic disgrace?” 

2. What do you need to surrender this week, month, or for all of 2025 that may seem disgraceful? 

3. What part of yourself needs to die? Start small if you must. 

For example, my blood pressure is way too high. I have to remove lots of sodium from my diet, so I don’t die young. Plus, I pridefully hate having to be the one with dietary limitations at social events. Ultimately, I chafe at the thought that something so small as sodium can make me feel desperate—like an acid burn on my hand. 

Hold me accountable, please. Let’s be obedient to the point of death, to die to ourselves. How can all of us who support Fresh Hope Ministries help and hold you accountable? Reach out and let us know: https://freshhope.us/contact/ or scott@worshiphero.com

Scott and Kariann Box live in Redmond, Oregon. Scott serves as Pastor of Development at Shiloh Ranch Church and has been a worship leader for over twenty-five years. Kariann works as a Realtor in Central Oregon and supports Scott’s…creative spirit. They have two children, a one-hundred-pound Labradoodle and a four-pound Shih Tzu without teeth. Scott is the author of HEROIC DISGRACE: Order out of chaos. Hope out of fear. ― A Worship Hero Story