Managing Christmas Expectations with a Mental Health Challenge

By Peggy Rice

As I talked about in my blog post last month , not every holiday looks like the Norman Rockwell pictures we see or the ones in our minds. For many, facing Christmas when dealing with a mental health challenge – either your own, or that of someone you love – can be daunting. Or discouraging. Or sad.

So how can we face this time of year – a time of celebration of our Lord Jesus’ birth – with reasonable expectations? How can we manage the Advent Season with joy, in spite of our mental health circumstances?

I think there are many steps we can take to help us embrace peace and joy, like the Christmas Carols suggest. I encourage you choose a few from the list below – pick the ones that are easy for you to implement. (Some of these suggestions come from Fresh Hope for Mental Health materials and their social media postings. Others are from Theresa Borchard, Depressions Busters, Beyond Blue, beliefnet.com)

• Create a list of the things that really bring you joy, and make your plans according to those, not someone else’s expectations.
• Create a Not-To-Do-Now list – can it wait for another time? Maybe the annual Family Christmas letter could be a Love Letter that goes out in February!
• Don’t strive for perfection! Maybe instead of the whole house decorated for Christmas, it’s just one room. Or instead of the decked-out Christmas tree, it’s enough to display just one ornament that you find meaningful. If you don’t have a fancy hanger it can swing from, consider a piece of thread/string/yarn tied through the top, and dangling from a drawer pull. Or sitting in a small bowl on your table. Pick one that brings you pleasant memories.
• Practice self-care. Try to find a few minutes each week (each day?!) that you can set aside for yourself. To write in your gratitude journal, or paint your fingernails, or smell a candle scent as it burns gently. Take a nap, if you need to.
• Connect with loved ones; spend quality time with people who make you feel good. Maybe give a trusted family member a call and videochat for 10 minutes, or meet a good friend at a local coffee shop for an hour.
• If you must see people you don’t really want to see, set a time limit.  Let it be known at the beginning of the visit that you only have time for x-y-z, and excuse yourself when it’s time to go.
• Keep to a regular sleep schedule. Exercise (even a walk around the block). Eat well, and limit your drinking to only 1, if any.
• Beef up your support system: if you usually go to 1 meeting a week, go to 2.  Have extra babysitters lined up.  Have phone numbers of support people in your cell.  Plan an extra visit with your therapist.
• Allow yourself to feel your feelings, even if they include messy ones like grief. Give yourself time to cry for the loved ones you miss, especially this time of year.
• Try to make it easy – “wrap” the gifts in brown paper bags. Pick up the dessert you said you’d bring to the party from the grocery store. Make an appearance at the office Christmas Party – you don’t have to stay for the whole thing.
• Give yourself permission to say “No,” without feeling guilty.
• Review your triggers; what has triggered you in previous years? Know what to watch for.  Avoid them, or review your plan of what actions you’re going to take if faced with that trigger. Review your WRAP Plan.
• Think about others.  If you need a pick-me-up, do something nice for someone else.
• Read the Christmas story from Matthew 2:1-15 or Luke 1:5-2:20. Don’t feel pressured to read it all at once – linger over just a few verses at a time, and marvel at how God kept His promises from long ago, how they came true that first Christmas night when He sent our Savior, His Son Jesus.

The holidays can be hard when you’re already dealing with depression or anxiety, already simply trying to get out of bed, or stop the racing thoughts. If your loved one struggles, you might wonder what you can do that won’t set them off. Try to be patient with yourself, and consider doing less this year than you might have done in the past. It’s ok. Everything has a season, and maybe this season is a little slower, a little gentler, than other years.

The focus of Christmas isn’t the decorations, or the gifts, or the big family gatherings anyway. It’s that Jesus left heaven and came to earth as a baby. John 1:14 in the Message Paraphrase says that He “moved into the neighborhood.” Isn’t that amazing? He came to be with us (that’s what Immanuel means). He entered into His created world, and lived a perfect life, and gave that life for us when He hung on the cross as the punishment for our sins. And the greatest gift? He rose again, defeating sin and death, and making a way for us to be restored into a relationship with Him, for eternity. And He gave us His Holy Spirit – living in us as believers, and His Word, the Bible, to teach us about who He is, and how He loves us. That’s what Christmas is for. To get to know the baby who grew up to be our Savior. So focus on that, and let the rest of it go.

Peggy has been involved with Fresh Hope as a Group Facilitator for 5 years and as the Hope Coach trainer for 3. You can reach her at peggy@freshhope.us