God Is My Everywhere

By Mark Soppitt

While still a young and inexperienced pastor, one day, I told my wife I felt lonely. We had moved to a new town to begin this significant life change, leaving many of our old friends, yet not going far. So, I was surprised by the words coming out of my mouth. How could I be lonely? People surrounded me, and my call to pastor meant I spent much time with them. That evening, we joined a discipleship group for young leaders, with two guest speakers discussing how we hear God speak. At the end of our gathering, one said, “I know this is strange, and I can’t see that this would apply to anyone here, but I keep getting the word ‘loneliness’ in my mind. I wonder whether God is highlighting this issue in anyone’s life?” I could have jumped a mile! So could my wife, who gave me a big nudge. Timidly, I said it was me, and they prayed for me. Through that prayer, something changed, and I no longer felt that haunting loneliness.

The issue of loneliness in North American society is drawing more and more attention. In 2023, the US Surgeon General Dr Vivek Murphy declared a national loneliness and social isolation epidemic, warning that as many as half of US adults were at risk of adverse physical, mental, and societal health outcomes as a result.

What is loneliness?

Loneliness is a subjective feeling conveying that the relational connections we need with others to live well are absent.

US Surgeon General Dr Vivek Murphy describes loneliness in the following way: “Loneliness is like hunger or thirst. It’s a feeling that we experience when something we’re lacking for survival is missing from our life. And if we respond to it relatively quickly, it may go away. But just like hunger or thirst, it’s when it persists for a long period of time, when we’re not able to figure out how to address it, that is when we start to worry.” ¹

Who does it affect?

There are some good reasons why loneliness may affect those suffering from mental illness more than those who do not. Depression and anxiety make us less likely to want to connect with others. I know as a pastor suffering in this way, I didn’t want to see anyone, at times, even my closest family and friends. For a season, I turned up after the church service began and tried to leave before anyone could talk to me at the end. When I got home, I would often hide in my bedroom. That was a very bleak time, where I thought being alone was my protection from the internal and external struggles I faced.

Trauma is another life experience that can leave people isolated as we try to make sense of events that shatter the soul and leave the ability to connect with ourselves and others so very difficult. The notion of safety and normality is replaced with a sense of dread and fear of the worst happening again. Memories can be blocked entirely as a self-protective mechanism, and yet powerful emotions still find their way to the surface to wreak havoc in a world that seems so much more dangerous than before. 

Grief and loss can be another cause of loneliness, as loved ones are no longer there, and others avoid those grieving because they don’t know what to say. Growing older can restrict one’s mobility and social networks. Losing a job, retiring, moving to a new country or locality, or being single are also potential causes of loneliness. Technology in society plays a part in loneliness, as more people work and shop from home or make superficial ‘friends’ through social media. 

What is the antidote?

Genesis 2:18 reads, “The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him,” and conveys the sense that God created us with a need for others in our lives, be it through marriage and relationships, family, or community. In the famous words of the 17th century Dean of St.Paul’s Cathedral John Donne, “No man is an island.” 

We were created for unfractured relationships and community, as the Trinity enjoys within the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. God created us in His image or likeness, so the desire for relationships is in our DNA. We were made for companionship. Yet, finding and retaining mutually life-giving relationships is challenging in our broken world. We may have needed better role models or found healthier friendships. We may have suffered tremendous pain and harm through people and resolved never to be so vulnerable again.

Whatever the cause of our loneliness, like natural hunger, it begins to make its voice heard. And, much like our need for food to stay healthy, when we lack meaningful connections over a long period, the risk of harm to our health increases. 

How can we move away from a lonely life?

1. Recognise that God is everywhere and wants us to know He is with us. In Psalm 139, David writes, inspired by the Holy Spirit, “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there;   if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.” Unlike any created being, God exists everywhere all at once. There is never a place we can find ourselves where He is not. Sometimes, we need healing in this area, either because of trauma or upbringing, so that we can enjoy the fellowship of God we were created for. Jesus calls us ‘friends,’ and He had close friends on earth, as well as being one with His Father. God promises that He will never leave or forsake us (Heb.13:5) and will not leave us alone as orphans but come to us (John 14:18). 
2. Find Community. It can be tempting to stay isolated due to fear, past experiences, feeling different, or other reasons. However, finding places where we can grow good friendships and meet people is crucial. Churches, social clubs, sports teams, gyms, hobbies and places to volunteer all offer such opportunities. When we emigrated to Canada, my family and I joined our local YMCA gym and began taking group exercise classes. During my time of depression and burnout, it provided camaraderie without being too much to handle. I was surprised by how much good this one thing did for me and my family. Eventually, I became a group fitness instructor at the YMCA to give back some of what I had received to others. We don’t need to throw ourselves into unsafe groups without boundaries. We just need to find places to belong and feel welcomed into.
3. Forgive and be forgiven. One significant challenge to overcoming loneliness is letting go of past hurts and wounds and being willing to get up again when knocked down. Sometimes devastating things happen, and we get caught up in them. I don’t believe in the phrase “everything happens for a reason.” I cannot explain some of the horrendous things that happen to people. Yet, I know that God will come and heal the brokenhearted and can restore what was stolen from our lives. Forgiveness has tremendous healing power as we choose to let go of the chain that binds us to that person or people. It is not forgetting horrible things but rather choosing to leave justice in the hands of the eternal Father, who will judge the living and the dead one day. If you find it hard to forgive yourself for what you have done to others in past times, know that the blood of Jesus covers our mistakes and offers a door to a new start. If God is willing to forgive you, what stops you from forgiving yourself?

If you are lonely, I hope you will find ways to rediscover life-giving relationships that mirror God\’s friendship and companionship. Know that you are not alone. Many people feel they need to improve at making good relationships. Is there one step you can take today to move away from loneliness? 

1. “Dangers of Loneliness” ABC News online article by Youri Benadjaoud, June 12th, 2024, 11:26 AM ET ↩︎

Mark lives in Niagara Falls, Canada with his wife, Janet. They have 5 children and a dog and enjoy exercise, public speaking, and motivating others. They have walked through many years of navigating mental illness and its effects on their marriage, their children, and pretty much every aspect of their lives. Through Living Well Coaching, their desire is to connect people to Jesus’ unlimited resources, and help them build resilient, healthy, and fruitful lives that glorify God and reach their full potential. You can follow them on social media: INSTAGRAM @livingwellcoaching; FACEBOOK livingwellcoachingniagara or their website Livingwellcoaching.ca