Things I Wish I Knew Before Battling Depression

By Mark Soppitt

In 2008, my struggle with depression began and lasted for seven challenging years. During this period, I was diagnosed with a number of mental health conditions, and between 2012-2014  I spent a number of times as an inpatient, either on a psychiatric ward or at a healthcare facility specializing in mental health treatment. Despite the care I received, those years were often desperately difficult and disorienting for me and my family. 

Moving to Niagara Falls from the UK  in 2005 with my wife and five young children brought unforeseen challenges. Adjusting to our new Canadian culture was more different than we bargained for. Simple tasks like driving on the opposite side of the road, or shopping, and the harder aspects of facing our first long, cold winter proved more difficult than expected. Whilst we moved to Canada in response to the clear call of God we felt, it also brought with it financial strains and unexpected changes even within our marriage.

Financial issues within the church added pressure to my role as a pastor and the difference in costs between currencies and unexpected expenses strained our personal finances. The church was left with building debts incurred from its heyday some years previously, and hardships faced by members, increased our challenges.

Personal finances were tight, and financial support from the church wasn\’t always sufficient. We often faced difficulty affording basic necessities, relying on the kindness of others for groceries and Christmas gifts for our children. Yet, despite hardships, we found moments of grace and kindness within our new community, as we made new friends and settled in.

In sharing these struggles, they reflect the pressures faced by our family as newcomers. Adapting to a new country, a different culture, and facing financial insecurities added to the uncertainties we felt. These challenges, along with the responsibility of helping a struggling church community heal, contributed to my eventual illness. 

In hindsight, reflecting on my journey battling depression reveals profound insights that could have better prepared me for the challenges ahead.I hope that in sharing them, others will be encouraged to prepare and grow and be confident in the grace of God. 

Faith and Emotional Health Go Together To Produce a Resilient Life

I came to understand that faith, optimism, and a positive outlook, though valuable, are not substitutes for emotional wellness when life\’s storms hit. Hidden beneath my exterior lay deep childhood wounds I had long forgotten about, not realising the lasting impact they had on my emotional state. Neglecting these unresolved emotions allowed them to fester without going away. When life pressures became too overwhelming, there was a volcano of hidden pain ready to explode. They eventually erupted with a force that caused turmoil within me and pain and misunderstanding to those around me. 

I now recognise the power of addressing these inner wounds to prevent them from derailing one\’s spiritual and emotional well-being. One of the difficulties I faced was that I had always been fairly diligent in dealing with my internal world of thoughts and emotions. However, the accumulation of pressures and stress in these years was more consistent and persistent than sudden and traumatic. Their effect on me went largely unnoticed until suddenly I could not cope any more and I was unable to do any meaningful healing work in my life for many years.

Your Partner is Not Your Rock – God is

Additionally, I learned that no amount of love from a partner can shield us from the unexpected pressures of life. In my dependence on my wife to bring order to my chaotic world, I failed to acknowledge her struggles and the boundaries necessary for a healthy relationship. Years later, we would see that my illness served as a catalyst for untangling our codependency, leading us to develop greater honesty, less fear, and more constructive growth. Where before we were often ruled by the emotional state of the other, we learnt to keep our focus fixed on God first. This newfound clarity highlighted the importance of understanding how past experiences can impact current relationships and the necessity of building them based on mutual growth rather than dependency.

Preparation Saves Much Trouble

Furthermore, preparing for the unknown proved to be a crucial lesson from my journey. No amount of preparation can predict every eventuality life throws our way; therefore, cultivating resilient faith and being surrounded by supportive people becomes crucial. Alongside this, I discovered that there is wisdom in asking more probing questions about where God is sending you before you go. I blindly believed that if God spoke it would all work out fine and so I didn’t look too closely at where and what we were going to. Sometimes it doesn’t go well, or dreams fall apart through no fault of our own. Better preparation can help to reduce or even eliminate the forces that seek to “kill, rob, and destroy” (John 10:10) the call of God on our lives.

God is Still Sovereign in The Darkness

For reasons only God knows, sometimes things don’t turn out well. Yet, even when things fail or go wrong in our own eyes (or even the eyes of others around us), He is still working and He is still ruling on His throne. It took me a long time to get up off the floor of my disappointment and begin to trust God again. In time I began to listen to His kind voice and worship once more, and I am richer for the experience. As someone once said to me, I got a million dollars worth of experience that I wouldn’t pay 5 cents to get! God can use these deep experiences to help others and further His kingdom. Church history is full of examples of this, and He can use your story too.

Weakness is a Given – Acknowledging it is a Choice

As life\’s storms battered me, I realised they were revealing my vulnerabilities and limitations, exposing areas of weakness and avenues for personal growth. Admitting my weaknesses and acknowledging my dependency on God to supportive friends during these times was a key towards my growth and transformation. Embracing challenges as opportunities for maturity rather than destruction enabled me to face crises with honesty, humility, and trust in God’s sovereign plan. My mindset had to change from “suffering is my enemy,” to “God is with me in my suffering and He is still working good.”

Hiding Does Not Lead to Growth

In the depths of my despair, where hope seemed lost, I withdrew into self-protection, yearning for escape from pain. It was during these dark moments that I found myself on the edge and in a very dangerous place. However, amidst the self-destructive spiral, a glimmer of light emerged as God intervened, revealing a renewal of hope and a pathway to healing. He was so at work in the provision of expert care and the kindness of our friends and community. Whilst this period of deep darkness unearthed the profound impact of trauma—past and present—on my well-being, God carefully led us into a story that speaks of His goodness still coming in the land of the living (Ps.27:13). 

God is Our Saviour and Redeemer

Through my tumultuous journey, despite witnessing some of the horrible effects of suffering, I also witnessed divine redemption. I came to realise God\’s ability to breathe new life into the broken pieces of my existence, shaping my weaknesses into strength and resilience. Acknowledging the depths of my vulnerabilities enabled me to cultivate a deeper dependency on God, fostering a newfound sense of faith, hope, and perseverance in the face of adversity. It has taken some time for this to happen. It didn’t happen overnight, but rather step by step, day by day. 

If you feel hopelessly stuck in a dark place I hope these reflections will  help you to not give up. Everyday God is at work in this broken world, speaking forth life and bringing the atmosphere of the kingdom into the darkness. May He do this for you and those you love. For others, I hope these thoughts will encourage greater preparedness, resilience, healing, and an unwavering trust in God in the midst of life\’s uncertainties and challenges. As Job declared in his suffering, ““But as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, and he will stand upon the earth at last” (Job 19:25 NLT).

Mark lives in Niagara Falls, Canada with his wife, Janet. They have 5 children and a dog and enjoy exercise, public speaking, and motivating others. They have walked through many years of navigating mental illness and its effects on their marriage, their children, and pretty much every aspect of their lives. Through Living Well Coaching, their desire is to connect people to Jesus’ unlimited resources, and help them build resilient, healthy, and fruitful lives that glorify God and reach their full potential. You can follow them on social media: INSTAGRAM @livingwellcoaching; FACEBOOK livingwellcoachingniagara or their website Livingwellcoaching.ca