Spreading My Wings

I was born with a profound case of bipolar disorder. My symptoms began when I was only six years old. My mom reminds me often that I used to run into her bed every night as a young child, telling her,
“Mommy, my heart is beeping so fast.” She didn’t realize that I was having panic attacks on a regular basis.

My teenage years were not typical. While everyone around me in school played sports, joined clubs and had an active social life, it was clear that I was the black sheep. Having to battle the onset of an illness that would soon take me by storm, I struggled every day to keep my mind afloat. At night time, I wailed myself to sleep to the point of having a pillow drenched in tears. At the time, I didn’t know anything about complicated mental conditions. I only knew that I had depression. I was not prepared for my depression to spiral into psychosis.

The first time that I had a manic episode, I was actually part of an exchange program in Belgium. Being an ocean away from my family and immersed in a life in a foreign language during my health crisis complicated everything. Only two years after I got home from Europe, I spiraled into a second psychotic break that was worse than the first one. Everyone was convinced that I would most likely not survive this second blow. I amazingly escaped death countless times during the three agonizing months of my psychosis until I finally made it to the hospital, where I spent a month recovering.

My first episode happened in 2006 and more than a decade later, in 2019, the Lord came into my life and I have never been the same. I was raised in a firmly-footed Christian family and my parents and sister have tirelessly interceded in prayer for me since the onset of my illness, nearly two decades ago. Unknown to me at the time, my mom told me that there was one year of my life that she sat outside my bedroom window praying for me every morning. In my family, we understand that Jesus is our deliverer and we cling to His every word. Because so many people have told me that my life journey is inspirational, I decided to write my memoir. The title of my book is “I Will Fly.”

In my book, I speak candidly about my illness and I am not shy about declaring the Lord as our source of hope. The Holy Spirit has been the foundation for every part of my writing process.

My book is relatable to everyone. In reading my memoir, our loved ones learn the ins and outs of our daily hurdles, gaining new perspectives and learning new things that they had never thought of before. I dig deep into the aspects of life with a mental illness so that other people who have the same struggle do not feel alone. Throughout my book, I discuss topics of a wide range. Examples of difficult topics in my book include me losing all of my friends on the turn of a dime and also fending off sexual predators. All of this awful news is countered by the overwhelming love of God within my story and all that He has taught me along this difficult journey. I can honestly say that everything that I have been through has been worth it to me. Having the Lord in my life trumps anything that the enemy has thrown my way. I can best put my feelings of affection for God onto paper through Ephesians 3:17-19:

“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”

I can’t help but testify.

Ruby Lucas grew up in upstate New York. As a teenager, she took part of an exchange program to Belgium, where she enthusiastically learned French. After losing 100 pounds six years ago, Ruby embraces an active lifestyle and personally loves joining Zumba classes at the gym. At the age of thirty-eight, Ruby published her first book, called “I Will Fly.” In her memoir, Ruby chronicles her life battling a profound case of mental illness. For more information about her life story or her relationship with the Lord, contact Ruby at iwillflyrubylucas@gmail.com.