My mom, who turns 88 this summer, used to talk about holding onto things “loosely.” It took me a long time to figure out what she meant. And then, two weeks ago, I got it.
As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been dealing with chronic pain for several months now, and it’s been quite a journey with the Lord. He has been reorienting my thinking – teaching me to pause and rest instead of pushing through the pain. Even though I’m wired to write To-Do Lists, checking things off is no longer as important as listening to my body, caring for it, and resting in Him in the process.
In mid-February, I met with a physician’s assistant, to discuss a procedure I’d previously tried that didn’t work. After talking it through, she suggested we try again, but in a slightly different location, and she was very confident that it would address the source of pain. So I scheduled the appointment for a Monday, several weeks out.
Two weeks ago, a light-bulb clicked on over my head, just like in the cartoons. I realized that I had placed all of my hope for pain relief into that upcoming procedure. It was going to mean the end of my pain! I was counting down the days – even the hours. But it was as if the Holy Spirit spoke quietly to my heart, “You’re putting your hope in this procedure. But your hope is meant to be in the Lord.”
Ouch. (Every pun intended.)
- “Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” Psalm 42:11b
- “…but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31
- “The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;” Lamentations 3:25
It was a wake-up call. I had misplaced my hope, and God gently redirected me – because He is kind. As the Holy Spirit brought those verses to mind, there was no condemnation, just a quiet nudge. And I listened.
My mom’s phrase came back to me…hold things loosely. Hold this medical procedure loosely.
I picture it this way – my hands open and this medical treatment resting in the center of my palms. I’m not grasping it, clinging to it, or closing my fists around it. It simply rests there – where God can take it at any time. Where I’m offering it to Him. Where I’ve surrendered it.
This does not mean that I’m giving up on relief. It doesn’t mean I don’t care. It doesn’t mean I’ve become passive. I still want the procedure to work! I want to walk without pain. I want to live fully in my body.
What I am doing is holding this desire without making it my foundation. I want this deeply, but I don’t require it in order for me to be okay. I’m allowing hope to exist, but I’m no longer anchoring my soul to the outcome. I’m anchored to the Lord.
I was reminded of 2 Corinthians 4:16b: “Though outwardly, we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.”
This applies not only to our physical bodies and their limitations, but also to our mental health journeys, whether we are the ones struggling or the ones walking alongside someone who is.
Here are a couple of reminders from the Fresh Hope Recovery Principles that we read at each meeting (find a group here):
Tenet I:
All of Us read: … We remind each other of the Lord’s love, and that He alone can do all things. He is the source of our hope, and in Him we can overcome all things.
Tenet IV:
Those with a diagnosis read: My disorder can lead me to feel hopeless. Therefore, I choose to believe, regardless of my feelings, that there is help and hope for my physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual well-being.
All of Us read: Together we remind each other that our hope and joy come from the Lord. He alone is able to fulfill our needs in every aspect of our lives.
Living open-handed with a mental health diagnosis is not easy. The pain, the chaos, the negative thinking, the unfairness – it can be all-consuming. But when we rely on the Holy Spirit’s strength instead of our own, we can begin to release it to God. We can trust His timing and His outcomes. He will take all of the difficult things we are going through, or have gone through, or will go though, and weave them into something that brings Him glory and works for our good (see Romans 8:28).
I am learning to live open-handed – with my pain, my hope, and my life – releasing my grip and trusting God to hold what I cannot control.
Peggy has been involved with Fresh Hope as a Group Facilitator for over 8 years and as the Hope Coach Trainer for over 6 years. She can be reached at peggy@freshhope.us.
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