Between Cupid, candy, chocolate and flowers, Valentine’s Day is a very pleasant holiday for many of us. But what about those who do not have a spouse or significant other? What then? It turns out it is possible to change our thinking about this holiday and still experience a positive day.
I did not get married until I was 34. As a result, Valentine’s Day was a bummer for me for a long time. Each year it was much the same. Row upon row of red and white adorned boxes of candy, cardboard Cupids, and Valentine’s Day cards. Who needed this reminder when I did not have a girlfriend let alone a spouse? It was like salt in a wound. My father’s birthday was Feb. 14, so there was always some solace to this date. I also had a few BFFs (best friends forever) for a long time, and they helped. More on that later.
Don’t get me wrong: I still wasn’t nuts about Valentine’s Day. If I saw a Valentine message on TV, I would mute the volume or change the channel. Shopping at a retail outlet was more difficult, so I spent as little time in Valentine’s aisles as I could. It helped. But not always.
I wrote about loneliness in my book, “Climbing out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Health.” Nearly 300 hundred miles from home, in a small town without friends, and no Internet back then, t was very bored and it was not unusual to cry myself to sleep on weekends. I was so lonely that it did not bother me when my publisher dismissed me from my duties as editor of a small weekly newspaper. I was relieved, not distraught. Moving back move back home with friends and family was more important than the next stage of my career.
While being single doesn’t hold the stigma it used to, a lot of us still define happiness in life as being married with children. But unless you met your future wife or husband in high school, finding the right partner is often difficult. The rise of online dating and technology raises new concerns, such as someone pretending to be someone they’re not, or someone sharing your photos or personal information without your consent.
Obstacles remain even if you don’t frequent Facebook or Instagram. “It’s easy—if you don’t catch yourself—to believe that everyone is in this beautiful, magical relationship and you’re the only one alone,” wrote Chloe Carmichael in the online article, Why is Dating So Hard? She added, “In a survey, one-third of the single people who responded said that seeing these kinds of posts made them feel worse about themselves.” For more information, check out Why Is Dating So Hard?
There’s also the pressure we put on ourselves. “Is it my imagination? Is this person really that terrific?” or “I really like her. What if she isn’t nuts about me?” And so on.
Proverbs 3:5-6 states, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will direct your paths.” In other words, trust God and be patient. This can be difficult, especially once we start moving into our late 20s and parents start wondering if you are ever going to get married. The Lord knows more than you do, who is the right person, and what is the right time. Recognize that until then, dating will often be like trying to put a square peg in a round hole. If the relationship isn’t meant to work, it won’t.
But before we can fully love someone else, we must fully love God and understand his love for us (Deuteronomy 6:4-5.)
Grasping that realization certainly helps! I had some coworkers once who watched all of the awards shows on TV, and dreamt of being famous like them. I would think, “How sad. When you have a relationship with the author of the universe and know that He loves you, being rich and famous means nothing.”
But God also knew it was not good for Adam to be alone, and so he made Eve. It’s true some people are happy remaining single, and I know a few of them. But if you have a deep yearning to find a spouse, like I did, it’s reasonable to assume that God does have someone special in mind for you.
In fact, I met my future wife at a party while I was unemployed and living at home! (I was 31 at the time).
In the meantime, if you don’t have a spouse or significant oher, do what I did and still do in some ways: Take solace in good friendships, and have fun and spend time with them. Put another way, if you don’t have a Valentine in your life, there ‘s a good bet you do have a BFF (best friend forever) in your life. You may not have a “date,” but celebrate anyway and do something fun with a BFF on Feb. 14!
Happy Valentine’s Day to all.
Mike Jacquart belongs to a Fresh Hope support group. A retired magazine editor, Mike enjoys sharing his story of “pushing through” on blog posts, podcasts, and other presentations. For more information, contact him at michaeljacquart56@gmail.com.
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