A very good friend of mine recommended a book to me at the end of August. I told her I was going to read it, and she chuckled. “You’re too young for this book!” (I am 20 years younger than she is.) But I was intrigued, and am so glad I picked it up!
It’s called Aging Faithfully, by Alice Fryling. I downloaded it to my Kindle on a Saturday afternoon, and read the whole thing in 3½ hours. I loved it so much that I bought the hard copy so that I could make notes, and answer the questions at the end of each chapter. Yes, I know it’s possible to do that on the Kindle, but it’s not as quick as with my favorite pen, so I got the print version. And I’ve recommended this book to practically everyone!
Yes, it’s written with “older age” in mind. But I’m getting older! Aren’t we all?! And I found so many pearls of wisdom, as I examine my own aging, and that of my loved ones. It gave me insights into what I may someday experience, and what they are probably experiencing now. It also gave me reason so pause, as I consider those in my life who are older than I am, and all that I can yet learn from them.
I remember when my kids were little and I was in Bible Study as a young mom. I was hungry for mentorship, and examples of women who were living Godly lives, who could encourage me. I was often amazed at my group leaders’ teachings, as we studied books and Scripture together. I marveled at their understanding of God’s Word, and how they applied it in their own lives. I looked up to them, and wanted to emulate them. Like Paul says, “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” I Corinthians 11:1, NIV. That’s what I wanted – to follow them as they followed Jesus, and to maybe someday have that kind of knowledge of God’s Word and its application in my life, too.
I have known Jesus as my Savior since I was at least 3 years old and have tried to follow Him for a long part of my life. And over that time, I’ve walked closely and I’ve wandered. I’ve read and obeyed His Word, and I’ve ignored it. I’ve prayed, and I’ve turned to friends instead of God first. I’ve depended on His strength, and I’ve tried to do things on my own. And He has always been faithful. He has never wavered. He has never thrown up His hands in disgust with me, or declared me a lost cause. Instead, He has always been with me. His Holy Spirit – living in me – has prompted me to repent and confess, to turn around – back to Him – to renew my commitment. He is a very patient loving Father, who has never stopped teaching me. He has brought me along this journey of life, and has allowed me to grow in my knowledge of Him. He has revealed Himself through my reading and studying His Word, through His Presence in the darkness of my depression. And then He restored those dark years, by leading me into ministry opportunities to share my mental health experiences, my own understanding in different Bible Studies, and so many chances to be the hands and feet of Jesus to others.
He did it for me, just like He did for all of those women I longed to emulate when I was younger. Just like He is for my friend who recommended this book. And just like He is doing in Alice Fryling’s life, including allowing her to write this book about how to grow older in and by the grace of God.
As I think back to my younger years again, especially in light of what I’ve learned through reading this book, I see lots of times where God allowed me to partner with Him in ministry opportunities. Things like being a Sunday School teacher for several years, directing Vacation Bible School, helping with Women’s Ministry, learning and then leading prayer groups and Bible Studies. There was a lot of productivity during those years, as Alice puts it. During those younger years, even as a busy mom, I seemed to have lots of energy and the ability to juggle many tasks at one time. This allowed God to do some mighty things, and I got to be part of them.
And then, depression hit. Just before/as my children were leaving home for college, as I was “empty-nesting,” and as my husband was changing jobs and we were moving. In addition to depression, I felt losses of self-identity and relationships, and I struggled to see how God could use me, now that I was no longer in my kids’ lives daily, and I was such a mess emotionally and mentally. I was incredibly broken. How could God possibly use me?
This mental health portion of my life lasted over 10 years, and there were times it was very dark. I didn’t do much in the way of service for God…I was completely wrapped up in my misery. There were times where I didn’t sense God’s Presence, even though I knew – in my head – that He was with me. (Because I had learned that truth from His Word earlier, in my younger years.) So now, I had to trust what I knew, not what I felt. I still went to Bible Study, but mostly just to lean on others, to pick up hope and strength from them, since I had almost none of my own.
And God saw me through it all. He walked with me, even when I didn’t acknowledge that He was there. And since I’ve come to the other side of that depression experience, God has brought productivity back into my life. He’s given me opportunities to share my story and to serve Him in several ways, including through Fresh Hope for Mental Health.
Now, here I am at 61 years old, and I’m moving more slowly than I did before depression. I have some new aches and pains. I need my down-time. I don’t have all that energy and those juggling skills, not like before. And I’m mostly ok with that. I like this new me. I like that I don’t keep a neck-breaking speed anymore (I couldn’t if I wanted to!). I can’t keep the pace I had in my 30s and 40s, even 50s. I’m learning to let go of my need to say “Yes” to every ministry opportunity that presents itself, and am now much more intentional about seeking God’s direction before I commit. I’m trying to focus on learning how to hear God’s voice more clearly. I’m learning about more fruitfulness. “Productivity results from all the tasks I accomplish. Fruitfulness comes from within and includes nontangible ways I relate to others.” (Aging Faithfully, p. 10.)
That’s my new hunger…to hear God’s voice speaking to me. And that’s an element of fruitfulness, not productivity. People won’t see it when God speaks to me; it will be personal and internal. When God spoke to Elijah, it was in a whisper (I Kings 19:9-12). I want to hear that whisper over the cacophony of the world’s voices. It’s a practice, for sure. Today, when I practiced Centering Prayer, my mind was all over the place! I was praying, yes, but I was doing all of the talking…I wasn’t listening. Hopefully, this afternoon will be better (I’m practicing again today, like a do-over!)
There are many other wonderful highlights from Aging Faithfully. Points about letting go of old expectations and ways, accepting changes in our bodies and in our perceived usefulness, anticipating and processing the grief and losses that are inevitably coming, how to transform fears into peace. One of my favorite sections is The Epilogue (p. 125-134), where Alice encouraged me to remember to listen well (something I practice in my Hope Coaching with Fresh Hope), as well as the types of questions we might ask ourselves in our 60s and 70s and 80s.
Through the reading of this book, in looking at my life’s journey so far, and seeing “the fingerprints of God” all over it, I am anticipating the next chapters that God has for me. He has always been faithful, and because His character never changes, He always will be. He will walk the rest of my journey with me, no matter what comes. “I will be your God throughout your lifetime – until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.” Isaiah 46:4, NLT.
Peggy has been involved with Fresh Hope as a Group Facilitator for over 6 years and as the Hope Coach Trainer for over 4 years. She can be reached at peggy@freshhope.us.
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