A week and a half ago, I left a doctor’s appointment feeling very upset. I hurried to my car, so that no one could see my face. I settled into the driver’s seat, put my head in my hands and my hands on the steering wheel, and waited for the tears to come. They didn’t, but my heart was heavy nonetheless, and I felt the tears on the inside, as I cried out to God in the front seat.
“God! This is not what I wanted to hear! I don’t like this…these are not the answers I was hoping for, not even what I assumed I was going to find out! I wanted all the pieces of this medical stuff to fall into one neat package, and instead I’m learning that I might have multiple things going on. That’s not right. That’s not fair. I knew what the doctor was going to say, but he didn’t! And I don’t like his answers!”
I pouted all morning. I complained to the Lord. I threw myself a big-ole pity party. Poor me. These are not the answers I was expecting, nor wanted. And, when I thought about it all, and the many specialists I’ve seen over the last 8 months, who was going to help me make sense of this? Who was going to be the one to bring it all together so that I would be able to understand? Which doctor was going to tell me what I wanted to hear – that it’s all related? Or, who would be the one to say, “No. You’ve got several things happening in your body.”
And then what? How would I ever move forward and find treatment, and relief, and healing? Will there even be healing? Or am I going to live with these things for the rest of my life?
I think I left that doctor at around 9:00am, had been in his office for these tests for a little over an hour. And then I met some Fresh Hope friends for coffee and planning. And I was still up to my eyeballs in pity party.
But, around noon, it was as if the Holy Spirit said it was enough. He didn’t yell. He didn’t condemn. He just said, “God’s got this.” And my heart said, “Oh! He’s got this!” And I was flooded with relief.
God’s got this. He knew before my appointment what the results were going to be. He knows which doctor on my team is going to help me make sense of it all. He knows any potential treatments I may need, and if they’ll even be effective. He knows it all. He sees it all. Nothing in all of this has surprised Him.
Nor did He think it was necessary to give me a heads-up. It’s not in His plan for me to know ahead of time. That’s where Trust comes in. I am called to trust Him. To rely on what I know about God – that He is always good, always working, always in control, always faithful. I am to know His character, and then to trust Him for His activity in my life. Everything that happens to me passes through His sovereign hands. Romans 8:28, NLT: “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”
As I think on this, and believe me, I have over the last two weeks, I’m reminded that this is often what we go through when we get a mental health diagnosis. Or when we learn that our loved one has a mental health challenge. When it becomes official, when a doctor says, “Yes, it is my conclusion that you have ___.” And that news can be gut-wrenching. The questions come, like they did for me: “What does this mean for me, for my future, for my family? Will I be able to find relief? Is there anyone who’s going to help me understand as I have to start this journey?” Or maybe the questions are even before that, like, “Why me? What did I do to deserve this sentence? Is this for life, or just short-term? What does this even mean?”
In many ways, when we learn of a mental health diagnosis, we deal with the stages of grief, like outlined by Elisabeth Kubler Ross: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. When I was sitting in my car, I was in denial, I was expressing anger to God, I was bargaining with what I thought would be the answers to my situation – the ones I didn’t get. I was sad. All normal reactions to grief. The final step, though, is what the Holy Spirit brought me – acceptance.
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Tenet One of the Fresh Hope Recovery Principles is about Acceptance. It says:
My life is affected by a mental health issue and can become unmanageable and hopeless, especially if ignored or untreated. Therefore, I choose the help and support of others to overcome the struggles and find more joy in life.
My loved one’s mental health challenge has also left me feeling helpless and hopeless. Therefore, I choose the help of others in learning about the disorder and choosing healthy boundaries for myself.
Together, we have understanding. We remind each other of the Lord’s love, and that He alone can do all things. He is the source of our hope, and in Him we can overcome all things.
“I can do everything through Him Who gives me strength.” — Philippians 4:13 (NIV)
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In no way do I think that moving from diagnosis, through grief, to acceptance is an easy process. It is not. But, if we’re willing to trust God in our circumstances, He can move us there. He can bring us further in our knowledge of His character (kind, good, all-knowing, full of love, forgiving, faithful, …), and deeper into our trust of Him.
And here’s where Fresh Hope can come in. In our support groups, we walk along this mental health journey – together. In each group, there are peers who have walked the journey longer than us, and people who are just starting out. We can “lift each other up,” as Scripture says, to move through the stages of grief to acceptance. We can share with each other what’s worked for us at different stops along the path. While we don’t give advice, we can share our own experiences, and be encouraging to those behind us on the journey, as well as learn from those ahead of us. The burden of a mental health challenge is easier to carry when we share it with others who understand. Fresh Hope Support Groups offer that community to all of us on this mental health path.
To find a Fresh Hope Support Group, either in your area or online, click here: https://freshhope.us/fh-groups/find-a-group
Peggy has been involved with Fresh Hope as a Group Facilitator for over 6 years and as the Hope Coach Trainer for over 4 years. She can be reached at peggy@freshhope.us.
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