Coping with the Holidays When Depressed

Mike Jacquart

“Have a holly, jolly Christmas,” sings Burl Ives. Happy carolers belt out, “Joy to the World’ at the top of their lungs. “Ho, ho, ho,” greets a department store Santa. Everyone loves this time of year. Right? Nothing could be further from the truth, especially when you are suffering from depression or another mood disorder. When you are depressed, you’re existing but not really living. You’re often stoic, but seldom truly happy or joyful.

The holiday season can be especially difficult because the media conditions us to think that everyone should be joyful this time of year. When you have suffered from depression, you get pretty good at “faking it”. But no one should have to hide their feelings. Marina London LCSW, who edited and contributed clinical advice to my book, Climbing out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness offered the following suggestions.

“The first step in coping with the holidays whether you’re depressed and/or out of work or experienced the loss of a loved one is to plan ahead,” London wrote. “The importance of this cannot be overemphasized. Plan to do the following”:

Acknowledge your feelings. It’s OK to feel down. It’s OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can’t force yourself to be happy just because it’s the holiday season.

Reach out. If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community, religious, or other social events. Many have websites, online support groups, social media or virtual events. They can offer support and companionship.

Talk it out. If you’re feeling stress during the holidays, it also may help to talk to a friend or family member about your concerns. Try reaching out with a text, call, or video chat. If you are in counseling or group therapy, talk about your holiday concerns in advance with others.

Volunteer. Doing something to help others is a good way to lift your spirits and broaden social connections. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or drop off gifts to children who are hospitalized. (Definitely! I speak from experience having volunteered at a free community meal last year.)

Be realistic. The holidays don’t have to be perfect or just like before. As we change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Choose a few to hold onto and be open to creating new ones. Even though your holiday plans may look different, you can find ways to celebrate.

Learn to say no. Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed. Friends and colleagues will understand if you can’t participate in every project or activity. (Indeed: Social isolation is a trait of depressive disorder.)

Stick to a budget. Before you do your gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget. Don’t try to buy happiness with gifts.

Mike Jacquart belongs to a Fresh Hope support group and is the author of “Climbing out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness.” For more information, contact Mike at madjac@tds.net.

Marina London LCSW has extensive experience as a clinician as well as an executive for several national EAP (employee assistance programs) and managed health care firms. She can be reached at marina@impactconsulting.health

Additional source: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress/art-20047544