Holding a grudge and refusing to forgive hurts you more than it hurts the other person. I liken it to being held captive by a ball and chain. Unable to move forward in life we remain stuck in the past, continually ruminating on what someone did to us. Unforgiveness makes it more difficult to \u201clive well\u201d in spite of having a mental health diagnosis.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s human nature to want justice. We want the other person to pay for what they did. At the very least we want an apology. Deep down we even question whether the way we were treated contributed to triggering our mental illness or worsened it.<\/p>\n
How were you hurt at the hands of another? Were you bullied, made fun of, or stigmatized because you were different from your peers? Maybe you were hurt, or continue to be, in a relationship. They didn\u2019t understand so they said hurtful things, ignored you, or walked away, leaving you feeling abandoned and alone. I\u2019ll let you fill in the blank.<\/p>\n
As is true of all things in God\u2019s kingdom, hope for healing is found in Christ alone. Are you thinking that there\u2019s no way you can possibly forgive your enemy? Jesus tells us \u201cWith people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God.\u201d (Mark 10:27). I think that pretty much covers everything, no matter how grievous the violation. If we invite God into the process, then forgiveness is possible.<\/p>\n
Refusal to forgive is often the result of not understanding what it means to forgive a person. Forgiveness doesn\u2019t mean you have to forget what the person did or tell yourself the hurtful experience didn\u2019t matter. As much as you might want to, you can never erase those painful experiences from your memory.<\/p>\n
Forgiveness does not mean you let the other person off the hook either. They are still responsible for what they did. The person who hurt you may never come to you and say they\u2019re sorry. In fact, they may have already passed away. Regardless, it\u2019s comforting to know they\u2019re accountable to someone greater than you: \u201cNever take your own revenge….\u2019Vengeance is mine, I will repay,\u2019 says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19).<\/p>\n
Probably the greatest misunderstanding about forgiveness is that it involves reconciliation with the offender. That\u2019s wonderful if it\u2019s something you want but in most cases there\u2019s no desire to restore the relationship. Why risk the chance of being hurt again? Part of caring for ourselves and maintaining stability requires choosing healthy relationships.<\/p>\n
Forgiveness is a process, one that takes time. You don\u2019t wake up one morning and decide you\u2019re going to forgive someone. Telling yourself \u201cI forgive ___\u201d won\u2019t take away the hurt and resentment you feel.<\/p>\n
A better place to start is by asking yourself some questions: Do I honestly believe the person who hurt me will someday tell me they\u2019re sorry for their actions? What if they did apologize and beg for my forgiveness? Would that make up for the damage it caused in my life, the happiness and peace of mind I could have had, or how my life may have turned out differently? If that day came, it honestly wouldn’t be enough.<\/p>\n
The process of forgiveness begins with accepting the reality that in all likelihood there will be no admittance of guilt, no apology, nor will they have become a better person over time. Letting go of those expectations and the need to get even will enable you to break free of the ball and chain.<\/p>\n
The past and its memories will always be a part of you but you\u2019ll no longer be weighed down by them emotionally. Although the length of time it takes to heal varies from person to person, forgiveness is something you do for you. In return you receive freedom, joy, inner peace, and the ability to move forward with hope.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Holding a grudge and refusing to forgive hurts you more than it hurts the other person. I liken it to being held captive by a…<\/p>","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-928","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-hope-and-encouragement"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n