{"id":18393,"date":"2025-11-13T12:42:52","date_gmt":"2025-11-13T17:42:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/freshhope.us\/?p=18393"},"modified":"2025-11-13T12:42:52","modified_gmt":"2025-11-13T17:42:52","slug":"how-depression-changed-my-prayer-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/freshhope.us\/es\/how-depression-changed-my-prayer-life\/","title":{"rendered":"How Depression Changed My Prayer Life"},"content":{"rendered":"

I am so grateful for the heritage I have, as a child born to Christian parents, with a legacy of faith back through generations. I don\u2019t really remember a time where Jesus wasn\u2019t part of my life, though I publicly declared my faith in Jesus as my Savior through baptism when I was 8 years old. I was raised reading the Bible and praying, going to church and Sunday School, church camp and Vacation Bible School in the summers. I can say that I have been a Jesus-follower all of my life.<\/p>\n

So, imagine my surprise, at age 44, when I was hit with a mental health diagnosis of depression. How in the world could this be? \u201cLord,\u201d I prayed, \u201cI have followed You all of my life. How is it that I can be so sad, feel so hopeless? I know Your truth, God, that my hope and joy are in You. But I have none. No hope. No joy. How is this possible?\u201d<\/p>\n

At my first appointment with my therapist, he asked what I wanted (to get out of therapy). I told him that I wanted my joy back.<\/p>\n

The beginning of that mental health journey, into the darkness of depression and anxiety, was terrifying and confusing, especially at the start. It ultimately lasted for 10+ years, with depressive episodes coming and going over that time. And as they continued, I \u201cgot better at it.\u201d What I mean is, once I became more familiar with the patterns, after several depressive episodes, and with the help of my therapist and husband to begin to recognize when one was coming, I was able to take appropriate steps to prepare, or at least try to prepare for it. And their severity was lessened, as I became more confident about what to expect, who to ask for help, etc.<\/p>\n

But back to the beginning. When depression was dark and heavy, like a cold wet woolen blanket covering me, obscuring my view, slowing my movements and thoughts, pressing down down down. And I couldn\u2019t feel God\u2019s presence, couldn\u2019t sense Him near me. He promised never to leave me. So where was He?<\/p>\n

I cried out to Him, repeatedly. \u201cWhy, God? Why? Why am I going through this? What did I do to deserve this? Are You punishing me for something?\u201d I searched my mind and memories for any unconfessed sin.<\/p>\n

Nothing.<\/p>\n

Then I began begging. \u201cGod! Please! Take this depression from me! Lift this dark cloud! Please, God!\u201d<\/p>\n

Nothing changed.<\/p>\n

So I began to bargain. \u201cLord, don\u2019t You see that I can\u2019t serve You to the best of my ability in this state? How can I lead a Bible Study, or a prayer group, or even be an example to my co-workers, when I\u2019m so lost in this sadness? I need Your healing so that I can be effective for You.\u201d<\/p>\n

Nothing.<\/p>\n

Finally. Finally, it began to dawn on me. Or more likely, I began to sense the nudging of the Holy Spirit in me. I sensed it in my heart: \u201cYou\u2019re asking the wrong question.\u201d<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t a judgemental voice. It wasn\u2019t condemning or harsh. It wasn\u2019t even really a voice. More of a change in the direction of my thoughts. An aligning of my mind with God\u2019s Word. His Holy Spirit talking to me.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re asking the wrong question.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is the right question, Lord? What am I supposed to say?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAsk Me about sanctification.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sanctification, according to my definition, is the process of being changed to look more like Jesus. It\u2019s the pruning (John 15:2), the life circumstances, the situations that shape us, mold us, and conform us into the image of Christ.<\/p>\n

So I began to ask, \u201cLord, how do You want to use this depression in my life to make me look more like Jesus?\u201d<\/p>\n

And, \u201cWhat are You trying to teach me through this mental health experience, Lord?\u201d<\/p>\n

Finally, \u201cLord, please don\u2019t waste this experience. Though I don\u2019t see it now, I will trust You that You will use this – somehow – for Your glory, and my good.\u201d (Romans 8:28)<\/p>\n

At just the right time, because God\u2019s timing is always perfect (and never as fast as I want it), He introduced me to Fresh Hope para la Salud Mental<\/a>. And I saw that He had indeed answered that final prayer.<\/p>\n

He has given me opportunities to serve Him, from my very own depression experience. I see now that He was with me all the time. My depression had blurred my vision. But that was me, not Him. He never left me. He walked with me. He sat with me. He caught all of my tears. And He began shaping my experiences into something He could use in the lives of others, even strengthening my own faith. And changing my prayer life.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve stopped asking, \u201cWhy?\u201d Instead I ask, \u201cWhat do You want to do here, Lord?\u201d<\/p>\n

I often don\u2019t get an answer to that question. In many ways, it\u2019s actually more rhetorical. More of me expressing myself to Him, not that He\u2019ll show me how He\u2019s going to answer. These changes in prayer are actually changing me. I\u2019m learning to surrender to Him. To depend on Him. To believe Him. To trust Him. And to let Him change me.<\/p>\n

Peggy has been involved with Fresh Hope as a Group Facilitator for over 8 years and as the Hope Coach Trainer for over 6 years. She can be reached at peggy@freshhope.us.<\/em><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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