{"id":18348,"date":"2025-10-09T13:24:03","date_gmt":"2025-10-09T18:24:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/freshhope.us\/?p=18348"},"modified":"2025-10-30T14:00:46","modified_gmt":"2025-10-30T19:00:46","slug":"grief-loss-perplexing-emotions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/freshhope.us\/es\/grief-loss-perplexing-emotions\/","title":{"rendered":"Grief & Loss: Perplexing Emotions"},"content":{"rendered":"

One could make a case that of all our emotions, grief and loss might be the most perplexing of all to cope with. And when a person has a mental health challenge, with its toxic thinking and ruminating thoughts, grief and loss may be even more difficult.<\/p>\n

In 2017, I thought depression was in my rear view mirror. I had lost a number of jobs in the past and was unemployed for a good part of 2002. But I had been in my mostly good spirits for a long time as I held my next position, as a newsletter editor, a true blessing from God, for 14 years. A lifelong journalist, I resigned in December 2016 to start my own writing and editing business.<\/p>\n

But I returned to the pit of despair when we lost our beloved Maltese, Baxter in May 2017. As I wrote in my book, Climbing out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness, \u201cAfter two nights of him howling and getting us up in the middle of the night, it was clear that Baxter was indeed suffering.\u201d (The vet later told us he probably had a brain tumor.)<\/p>\n

\u201cI cried like I hadn\u2019t in years. I don\u2019t know how my wife was able to bury him in our backyard. It was all I could do to place stones on his freshly dug grave.<\/p>\n

\u201cBaxter is gone. Baxter is gone. For days on end, I could not shake this ruminating thinking out of my mind,\u201d as I wrote in my book. \u201cI grieved even more than when my parents died. What was (even) worse was how some people, especially, non-pet owners, did not understand how losing a pet could possibly compare to the death of a family member. They think, \u2018That\u2019s sad, but you will get a new dog.\u2019 I wished it was that simple. After five years and much love, Baxter was family.\u201d<\/p>\n

Fortunately, while some don\u2019t fully \u201cget\u201d the loss of a pet, others do. \u201c(Pet) owners are ofen inhibited in their very real grief, even if the animal was considered a full-fledged family member, a child\u2019s favored playmate, or an elderly person\u2019s faithful companion,\u201d wrote Marina London in my book.<\/p>\n

The veterinary clinic we took him to sent us a heartful sympathy card. There were others. They definitely helped during this difficult period. In more recent times, I have learned of any number of pet owners grieving the loss of their own, four-legged furry companion. I read online, \u201cNo such thing as just a \u2026\u2026 (cat or dog).\u201d Another post read, \u201cI don\u2019t care what anyone says. Losing a pet is unbearable.\u201d<\/p>\n

Indeed. Losing our beloved dog was the start of a downward spiral that would take the remainder of the year for me to fully snap out of. (It was during this time that I joined a Fresh Hope support group.) \u201cEvery night I would go to bed and cry and pray to God to either make me better or take me home. I did not care if I lived or died.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

For many people, grief occurs in stages. In her famous research, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross lists these five stages as Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. For more on this groundbreaking psychiatrist, check out https:\/\/www.ekrfoundation.org\/elisabeth-kubler-ross\/<\/p>\n

Although the stages describe potential success for coping with loss, individuals may not experience them in this order, or at all since grief and loss is a deeply personal experience. That\u2019s for sure. When my dad died in 2007, he was terminally ill and so his passing was not a huge surprise. And yet, perhaps because he was my first parent (or in-law) to pass away, I experienced an emptiness unlike any feeling I ever had before.<\/p>\n

Five years later, my mom died in her sleep. It was a more sudden loss, and so one would think I would have felt more grief than when my dad died. Her passing was also more unexpected, as she had just returned home after an operation. And yet as I say, it hit me less. Perhaps because my mother, an habitual planner and organizer, had the details of her funeral spelled out so well it almost felt like we had gone through this (loss) already.<\/p>\n

My wife and her mother were very close, so when her mom passed in 2014, I feared it would be a tough road ahead for my spouse. Not half as much as I had thought. It was my mother-in-law\u2019s third bout with cancer, and everyone knew the end was near. It seemed like everyone did their grieving before her passing, and there weren\u2019t nearly as many tears afterward. Of course, it helps when we are Christians and are confident where our loved one is, out of her pain, at home with the Lord.<\/p>\n

But sound reasoning doesn\u2019t explain everything. As I said, some people cope with grief well and get through it fairly quickly. Me? I was a near basket case when Baxter passed. \u201cIt seemed I was going through the motions in nearly everything I did. I dove into my editing work, checked email, and everything else that work and life entails. But I did not do anything with enthusiasm. I had even lost much of my appetite.\u201d (I lost 25 pounds, and my physician was thrilled with my weight loss.) I was not able to take the wind out of the sails about this \u201cgood\u201d news and tell him it came at too high of a price.<\/p>\n

Today\u2019s grieving is also different than it was in Victorian times, according to Marina. \u201cPeople dressed in mourning clothes (black) for two years. It appears they had a much better understanding of the grief process than we do in the 21st century,\u201d she wrote in my book. \u201cOnly recently, in 2018, has the diagnosis of \u2018Prolonged Grief Disorder\u2019 been added as a diagnostic category.\u201d<\/p>\n

In such cases, \u201cgrief reactions occur most of the day, nearly every day, for at least a month.\u201d (For me, I\u2019d say they lasted at least four months.) To learn more, check out https:\/\/psychiatry.org\/news-room\/news-releases\/apa-offers-tips-for-understanding-prolonged-grief\/<\/p>\n

A note to the reader who may be grieving. Marina said I should have been receiving supportive counseling and perhaps medication during this difficult period.<\/p>\n

Perhaps, but reading and prayer filled the bill quite nicely. Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates, by Gary Kurz is a very helpful book on this topic from a scriptural perspective. Knowing there is a possibility\u00a0 I might see Baxter again, according to Kurz, was incredibly comforting. The book is available on Amazon at https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Cold-Noses-At-Pearly-Gates\/dp\/0806528877<\/p>\n

Regardless if it is a cherished pet, a mother, father, sister, brother, close friend, we all go through grief and loss in this life. Whatever the loss, Christians can take solace that suffering is only temporary. \u201cHe will wipe every tear from our eyes. There will be no more death, or morning, or crying or pain. For the old order of things has passed away.\u201d<\/em> (Revelation 21:4, Isaiah 25:8).<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re walking through something similar and don\u2019t want to do it alone, Fresh Hope support groups<\/a> are a safe place to find encouragement and hope.<\/p>\n

Mike Jacquart belongs to a Fresh Hope support group and the author of \u201cClimbing out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness.\u201d https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Climbing-out-Darkness-Personal-Wellness\/dp\/B0BQ58KJH4 A retired magazine editor, Mike enjoys sharing his story of \u201cpushing through\u201d on blog posts, podcasts, and other presentations. For more information, contact him at michaeljacquart8@gmail.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

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